Weird things I’m teaching my kids

  1. That there are towels appropriate for swimming, and towels appropriate for the bathroom. And never the twain shall meet.
    What is it about the big, bright, fluffy swimming towels that makes my head jerk to the side like an inquisitive jack russell when I see them hanging in my bathroom? Are we bigger at the swimming pool? Do we need to adorn ourselves like bright, multi-coloured flamingoes? Could we use (I’m shuddering) bath towels at the pool??!!
  2. That people are unpredictable.
    Last night I went on strike and sat in the bedroom for four hours and told the kids they could do anything as long as they didn’t involve me. They did the dishes, had a bath, and then made a slip-n-slide on the kitchen floor with the world’s most expensive, eco-friendly, dish-soap. And I didn’t scream at them. They were totally wigged out.
  3. That people have body hair.
    All people. Men and women. And it’s up to each individual whether they remove it. I don’t shave my legs as a rule, but my eight-year-old likes to.
  4. To question. 
    Especially when no-one else is.
  5. How to be messy.
    I think I’m fucking nailing that one.
  6. How to swear with alacrity.
    My daughter is a very good study of the appropriate use of the f-bomb.
  7. That the ability to use power tools does not come from the possession of a certain set of genitalia.
    no explanation necessary
  8. That most of the time shit can be worked out taking into account everyone’s feelings and desires.
    And sometime’s life’s crap and it doesn’t feel nice or fair but it’s what we’ve got.
  9. That sometimes dishonesty is fun.
    like that time we only had 3 tickets for a gig, so we made the 4-y-o curl up in a scarf-sling and pretend to be sleeping like a baby so that we could smuggle her in.
  10. That the round spoons are for soup, and the oval ones are for dessert or breakfast. 
    And sometimes we have dessert for breakfast, and sometimes breakfast for dessert. But eating dessert/breakfast with a soup spoon just isn’t right.

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